Because of Mozart, it's all over after the age of seven.

No matter how lonely you get or how many birth announcements you receive, the trick is not to get frightened. There's nothing wrong with being alone.

You're the unfortunate contradiction in terms -- a serious good person.

The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.

Sometimes I want to clean up my desk and go out and say, respect me, I'm a respectable grown-up, and other times I just want to jump into a paper bag and shake and bake myself to death.