Fran Lebowitz

Fran Lebowitz: Radio news is...

Fran Lebowitz: Radio news is...

Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast the disc jockey is not allowed...

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Fran Lebowitz: If your sexual...

Fran Lebowitz: If your sexual...

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be...

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Fran Lebowitz: Food is an...

Fran Lebowitz: Food is an...

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Source: Metropolitan Life, 'Food for...

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Fran Lebowitz: Do not allow...

Fran Lebowitz: Do not allow...

Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.

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Fran Lebowitz: The best fame...

Fran Lebowitz: The best fame...

The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you...

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Fran Lebowitz: Great people talk...

Fran Lebowitz: Great people talk...

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about...

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Fran Lebowitz: There is no...

Fran Lebowitz: There is no...

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise...

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Fran Lebowitz: Stand firm in...

Fran Lebowitz: Stand firm in...

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as...

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Fran Lebowitz: Children are rarely...

Fran Lebowitz: Children are rarely...

Children are rarely in the position to lend one a truly interesting sum of money. There are, however, exceptions, and...

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Fran Lebowitz: The telephone is...

Fran Lebowitz: The telephone is...

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

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Fran Lebowitz: Women who insist...

Fran Lebowitz: Women who insist...

Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent...

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Fran Lebowitz: Don't bother discussing...

Fran Lebowitz: Don't bother discussing...

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

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Fran Lebowitz: A salad is...

Fran Lebowitz: A salad is...

A salad is not a meal. It is a style.

Source: In Webster's Electronic Quotebase,...

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Fran Lebowitz: Spilling your guts...

Fran Lebowitz: Spilling your guts...

Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.

Source: Social...

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Fran Lebowitz: You can't go...

Fran Lebowitz: You can't go...

You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people...

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Fran Lebowitz: . . .to...

Fran Lebowitz: . . .to...

. . .to me the outdoors is what you have to pass through in order to get from your apartment into a...

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Fran Lebowitz: If you are...

Fran Lebowitz: If you are...

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget...

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Fran Lebowitz: Large, naked, raw...

Fran Lebowitz: Large, naked, raw...

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting...

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Fran Lebowitz: Vegetables are interesting...

Fran Lebowitz: Vegetables are interesting...

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of...

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Fran Lebowitz: Humility is no...

Fran Lebowitz: Humility is no...

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

Source: Metropolitan Life,...

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