Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller: We spend the...

Phyllis Diller: We spend the...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling...

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Phyllis Diller: A smile is...

Phyllis Diller: A smile is...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Source: In The Speaker's...

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Phyllis Diller: Women want men,...

Phyllis Diller: Women want men,...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a...

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Phyllis Diller: I buried a...

Phyllis Diller: I buried a...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

Source: In Woman's Almanac,...

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Phyllis Diller: You can say...

Phyllis Diller: You can say...

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.

Source: In...

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Phyllis Diller: Living in Hollywood...

Phyllis Diller: Living in Hollywood...

Living in Hollywood is like living in a lit cigar butt.

Source: In An Uncommon...

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Phyllis Diller: Burt Reynolds once...

Phyllis Diller: Burt Reynolds once...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Source: In The Ultimate Success...

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Phyllis Diller: I've been asked...

Phyllis Diller: I've been asked...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and...

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Phyllis Diller: Cleaning your house...

Phyllis Diller: Cleaning your house...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops...

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Phyllis Diller: Always be nice...

Phyllis Diller: Always be nice...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

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