Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers: Yeah, I read...

Joan Rivers: Yeah, I read...

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

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Joan Rivers: I felt comedy...

Joan Rivers: I felt comedy...

I felt comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for...

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Joan Rivers: I succeeded by...

Joan Rivers: I succeeded by...

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

Source: In An Uncommon Scold,...

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Joan Rivers: Your anger can...

Joan Rivers: Your anger can...

Your anger can be 49 % and your comedy 51 %, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 %, the comedy is...

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Joan Rivers: My routines come...

Joan Rivers: My routines come...

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

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Joan Rivers: Thank God we're...

Joan Rivers: Thank God we're...

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks...

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Joan Rivers: Anger is a...

Joan Rivers: Anger is a...

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly -- hurt, bitterness,...

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Joan Rivers: I have become...

Joan Rivers: I have become...

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or...

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Joan Rivers: I hate housework!...

Joan Rivers: I hate housework!...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes --and six months later you have to start all over...

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Joan Rivers: God always comes...

Joan Rivers: God always comes...

God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a...

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Joan Rivers: Never floss with...

Joan Rivers: Never floss with...

Never floss with a stranger.

Source: In Webster's Electronic Quotebase, ed. Keith...

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Joan Rivers: After we made...

Joan Rivers: After we made...

After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.

Source:...

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Joan Rivers: If God wanted...

Joan Rivers: If God wanted...

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Source: From a...

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Joan Rivers: Diets, like clothes,...

Joan Rivers: Diets, like clothes,...

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Source: In Words of Women...

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Joan Rivers: People say that...

Joan Rivers: People say that...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key...

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