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Phyllis Diller: I buried a...

Phyllis Diller: I buried a...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

Source: In Woman's Almanac,...

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Phyllis Diller: I've been asked...

Phyllis Diller: I've been asked...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and...

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Gracie Allen: The Senate is...

Gracie Allen: The Senate is...

The Senate is the only show in the world where the cash customers have to sit in the...

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Rita Rudner: I love being...

Rita Rudner: I love being...

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your...

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Ella Fitzgerald: It isn't where...

Ella Fitzgerald: It isn't where...

It isn't where you came from; it's where you're going that counts.

Source: In Ella...

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Betty Carter: You can do...

Betty Carter: You can do...

You can do anything you want to do, if you know what to do.

Source: From a...

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Mae West: It's not the...

Mae West: It's not the...

It's not the men in my life that counts, it's the life in my men.

Source: In The...

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Katharine Hepburn: I have many...

Katharine Hepburn: I have many...

I have many regrets, and I'm sure everyone does. The stupid things you do, you regret if you have any sense, and if...

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Lillian Gish: Young man, if...

Lillian Gish: Young man, if...

Young man, if God had wanted you to see me that way, he would have put your eyes in your...

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Lily Tomlin: I have always...

Lily Tomlin: I have always...

I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.

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Liv Ullmann: The older one...

Liv Ullmann: The older one...

The older one gets in this profession, the more people there are with whom one would never work...

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Raquel Welch: I was not...

Raquel Welch: I was not...

I was not a classic mother. But my kids were never palmed off to boarding school. So, I didn't bake cookies. You can...

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Glenda Jackson: Acting provides the...

Glenda Jackson: Acting provides the...

Acting provides the fulfillment of never being fulfilled. You're never as good as you'd like to be. So there's always...

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Shelley Winters: Acting is like...

Shelley Winters: Acting is like...

Acting is like painting pictures on bathroom tissues. Ten minutes later you throw them away and they're...

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Maggie Smith: I believe that...

Maggie Smith: I believe that...

I believe that I am past my prime. I had reckoned on my prime lasting till I was at least...

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Francesca Annis: I don't want...

Francesca Annis: I don't want...

I don't want three million people digesting my private life over their cornflakes.

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Rachel Field: Doorbells are like...

Rachel Field: Doorbells are like...

Doorbells are like a magic game,
Or the grab-bag at a fair --
You never know when you hear one ring
Who may...

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Mary McCarthy: The happy ending...

Mary McCarthy: The happy ending...

The happy ending is our national belief.

Source: On the Contrary, pt. 1, America...

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Margaret Drabble: Why can't people...

Margaret Drabble: Why can't people...

Why can't people be both flexible and efficient?

Source: The Middle Ground,...

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Jane Rule: Morality, like language,...

Jane Rule: Morality, like language,...

Morality, like language, is an invented structure for conserving and communicating order. And morality is learned,...

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