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Joan Rivers: My routines come...

Joan Rivers: My routines come...

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

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Phyllis Diller: You can say...

Phyllis Diller: You can say...

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.

Source: In...

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Ella Fitzgerald: I stole everything...

Ella Fitzgerald: I stole everything...

I stole everything that I heard, but mostly I stole from the horns.

Source: In...

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Joanne Woodward: I'm tired of...

Joanne Woodward: I'm tired of...

I'm tired of playing worn-out depressing ladies in frayed bathrobes. I'm going to get a new hairdo and look terrific...

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Kathleen Turner: You're not too...

Kathleen Turner: You're not too...

You're not too smart, are you? I like that in a man.

Source: Turner, as Matty...

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Sandra Bernhard: Madonna's got one...

Sandra Bernhard: Madonna's got one...

Madonna's got one big choice. Take a couple of years off and become a human being.

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Lily Tomlin: I always wondered...

Lily Tomlin: I always wondered...

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was...

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Carol Burnett: Adolescence is just...

Carol Burnett: Adolescence is just...

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.

Source: Phil Donahue show NBC TV 16 Oct...

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Shelley Winters: In Hollywood, all...

Shelley Winters: In Hollywood, all...

In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes...

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Patricia Neal: When you call...

Patricia Neal: When you call...

When you call upon a Thoroughbred, he gives you all the speed, strength of heart and sinew in him. When you call on a...

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Anne Baxter: It's best to...

Anne Baxter: It's best to...

It's best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the...

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Betty Grable: The woman's vision...

Betty Grable: The woman's vision...

The woman's vision is deep reaching, the man's far reaching. With the man the world is his heart, with the woman the...

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Vera-Ellen: Well, you're not...

Vera-Ellen: Well, you're not...

Well, you're not exactly Superman, but you're awfully available.

Source: On...

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Shirley Booth: There is an...

Shirley Booth: There is an...

There is an audience for every play; it's just that sometimes it can't wait long enough to find...

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Joan Collins: Dynasty was the...

Joan Collins: Dynasty was the...

Dynasty was the opportunity to take charge of my career rather than waiting around like a library book waiting to be...

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Gail Parent: Don't we realize...

Gail Parent: Don't we realize...

Don't we realize we're a business, we single girls are? Every building that goes up in Manhattan has more than fifty...

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Betty Hutton: Then the ceiling...

Betty Hutton: Then the ceiling...

Then the ceiling fell in and the bottom fell out
I went into a spin and I started to shout
I've been hit. This...

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Millicent Fenwick: I have come...

Millicent Fenwick: I have come...

I have come to believe that the one thing people cannot bear is a sense of injustice. Poverty, cold, even hunger, are...

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Lady Bird Johnson: The coach has...

Lady Bird Johnson: The coach has...

The coach has turned into a pumpkin and the mice have all run away.

Source: Said...

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Pearl Bailey: I see their...

Pearl Bailey: I see their...

I see their souls, and I hold them in my hands, and because I love them they weigh nothing. [on...

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